what ever you do, you must not ...

Do not denigrate your ex in front of or to the children, this should have already been the case anyway, but now it is even more important. I personally believe that you should not build the ex up to the children either, as this may be seen as you confirming to the children that the ex is wise and correct, and indirectly, that they in fact should believe in what the ex is saying. Remain neutral in the children's minds.

Do not Inform your ex of anything other than what is properly required and necessary for the welfare of the children. You must remember that a strong possibility exists that anything you tell the ex will be twisted around and used against you.

The less said the better as the ex will always looking for material to use against you and on the children

Do not Inform the children in advance of any special events or plans you have in mind for them, as they may tell your ex and this will give the ex the opportunity to destroy the event in the children's minds before it even comes about. You are in fact giving the ex another opportunity to perform further alienating behaviour on the children, the less said the better for the children.

I have been told by my children, that I was trying to buy their love with gifts and excursions, prior to the events even happening, all because i had told them what we were going to do the next weekend we were together. I should have let it be a surprise and they would have loved it instead of being programmed against it.

Never even to other people, say anything nasty or severely denigrating about your ex as again, you may have this used against you. It is a good idea to adopt the policy that to say nothing that you are not prepared to have repeated to the ex or his/her solicitor, to your children or in court.

As much as you would like to at times, do not be drawn to comment on the situation by the children, if you were it is likely to be reported back to the ex giving them more ammunition.

Do not say anything to the children that you do not want repeated to the ex.

Do not show disappointment to or reprimand the children when they say or do things that you know they have been programmed to say or do by the ex, be understanding of the situation and say nothing, by doing this you are the better person.

Do not discuss any issues regarding the situation with or in front of the children.

Do not allow the situation take you over or control you, you must stay in control of yourself.

Do not break any court orders under any circumstances.

Do not be aggressive towards your ex at any time, not even on the phone as you may be being taped or recorded and it could be used against you in an application for an AVO etc. or even played to the children.

Whatever you, do not allow your ex to see or hear you react negatively to their actions or words in any way, the ex could be trying to upset you and will continue trying if it is seen to be working. Stay calm at all times no matter what and the ex will end up the one upset, not you, because they will come to think that they cannot upset you or stir you into doing things that will help them against you.

The possibility may exist that the ex you are dealing with now is no longer the person you once knew, do not let this concern you and stay focussed first on yourself and what you must do to help the children, not the antics of the ex.

Do not misrepresent or overstate the situation to councillors or any of your supporters or advisers, as the advice that they will give you will be based to some extent on what you are telling them, do not understate it either, be accurate or the advice you receive will most likely be inappropriate.

Remember that any Kindy, School etc have a duty of care to ALL children, not just yours, so understand and appreciate the situation they are in and do not conduct your self outside their guidelines, common decency or the law in any way. The bottom line for the school etc is that they just want to do their job without getting involved in hassles with either you or the ex, so co-operate fully with the school etc but if you think they are doing something wrong talk to your legal advisers, do not have a go at them yourself. You may think that they are being unjust at times when they are just insisting on carrying out their responsibilities to the children, irrespective.

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