Things you can do to help your case

If all has gone too far then you need to gather evidence, factual and corroborated if possible, the value of which will be enormous to councillors in treating the children and should you go to court over all of this, to your legal team.

Start collecting as soon as you suspect alienation and document well at all times, put in everything, even things that you may not consider important at the time.

Start the diary mentioned earlier on this site and do the entries at the first opportunity, leave nothing to memory.  The diary will be your best tool so do not discount the importance of it.

Remember all must be within the law,  reasonable and ethical if it is to be used as evidence and or to be given to councillors.

Be ever observant for ...

  • Age inappropriate words or phrasing used by the children
  • Other than normal behaviour and patterns
  • The children saying bad things about you and others around you, do not react to these though or they will close up.
  • Check with schools, sports coaches etc, where ever the children spend time away from the ex for any possible problems.
  • Any physical marks on the children, you really do not know the ex any more or the people around the ex.
  • Attitudes towards you by school teachers etc, your ex may have told them bad things about you.

Anything at all that you would not consider right or proper under normal circumstance.

The below if gathered within the law will prove extremely valuable to councillors and your legal team.  Do not let anyone other than those that absolutely need to know and that you trust, of your efforts here.  If the ex learns that you are doing these things then they will surely try and condition the children accordingly.

You do not want to subject the children to further abuse by the ex finding out information that he/she will react to towards or use on the children, remember that the children's welfare must come first, so do not do anything to jeopardise that.

When someone tells you something that you can use, do not push them or ask them to give evidence, record it all accurately as you can legally force them into giving evidence by way of saphenae.  It is better to remain close to your informers at this stage rather than to upset them and force them away by them saying they do not want to get involved when you ask them to give evidence.

If any one at this stage is prepared to sigh an affidavit, see your legal team now, don't wait as they may change their mind or even forget the details later on.

Be careful who you entrust outside your circle, people sometimes do turn in time as a result of something that you never thought may happen. Put all outside the circle on a "need to know" basis only.

At all times accurately record dates and times if possible, this is the first rule.  

  • Tape conversations with your children saying those bad things if possible, but as laws and conditions on taping conversations can differ from state to state, check with your legal team before doing so. Evidence gathered illegally cannot be used in court.  Before turning the tape off, record in your own voice the date, time and participants relative to the taped conversation, if possible.  Do not allow the children to know that they are being taped.
  • Tape conversations with the ex if the ex is saying or conducting themselves inappropriately, again check with legal team first on how to do it within the law.  Methods and procedures are important here or the tape may be useless.
  • Video the children displaying any behaviour due to alienation if possible.  Be very careful here as it may result in backlash on the children from when they tell the ex.
  • Talk to councillors and ask through your legal team if necessary, for written reports on the children.
  • Often alienation can be accompanied by neglect of the children by the ex, after all they are most probably only doing it to hurt you, so visit schools etc and see for yourself what the ex is feeding them.   Be observant of their cleanliness and how they are being dressed etc.
  • Wherever possible, again take notes even if it is good as this will give base reference to possible changes later on.
  • Photograph anything relative as much as possible and if your camera has date and time, turn it on.
  • Make sure that schools etc have a copy of any orders on their files, do not accept the ex telling them what the situation is or providing them with a copy themself, you do it and then you know that they are correctly informed.  Talk to the school at the same time in an effort to gain their confidence and understanding, they just may make some comment, and if they do, diarise it.  Do not bad mouth the ex here or any where for that matter, as they will wipe you, the bottom line here is that they do not really want to become involved.

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