Grieving Mom

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grieving mom
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Joined: 14/10/2010

Hello,

My name is Jennifer. I have recently discovered Parent Alienation Syndrome by the help of my counselor.

I am 43. Divorced 7 years and mother of 2 beautiful boys, age 15 and 9. I was married to a recovering addict/sociapath, abuser for 12 years. I did primarily all the parenting and raising of my boys until a few years ago. I had a very close bond with them and as well as my entire family. I have strong morals and values and I am very proud of what I have tried so hard to teach them and provide for them.$100K later after being taken to court repeatedly to defend my character and defend lies told to keep my boys, My ex husband has succesfully manipulated the courts, his attorneys and had sucked every bit of $ out of me. In the process of constant attack and accusations, being followed and etc... It was either sink or swim. Through counseling and help from friends and family I somehow now am getting this big picture and trying to continue to fight for what is right and most importantly my innocent children. I cannot even articulate in words the overwhelming range of feelings I have and had when I went on-line and found information on PAS. Instinctively, I have been writing a Dear... journal for my oldest who I have no contact with and even though it does not provide the relief I am searching for I tell myself daily as others also say..." They will one day figure it out!" I still text my son simple text messages" I love you's and hope your OK and doing great, I think of you all the time and I love you more than you can imagine." Of course no response and if I get lucky enough to get one its cocky and beligerent and most obviously sometimes questionable whether he even wrote it. At times when I am around I have been telling people I always catch him looking at me. Instinctively I knew and know that he misses me terribly no matter how convinced he is that he hates me and thinks I am bad. There were so many pieces of the puzzle that didnt add up and I have been seeing these changes in behavior, attitude and etc for a few yrs until I went on this site. VALIDATION! People I would talk to you would ask me if I abused him and just like anyone would think what did I do as a mother that would enable him not to acknowledge me?   I have described to people that its as if I am grieving the death of my son but I still see him 10 yrd away at his brother's games or pick ups and drop offs of his brother and there is no acknowledgment. I have decided to represent myself and so far did a good job in front of the master Aug 6. I am now taking him back Oct 22 for not following order and not giving me schedules. I want to present this information but I am unsure on how to do effectively. I have been reading information  and I am aware at how tricky this is getting support from the courts. I simply do not have a dime and honestly I live this everyday minute of everyday and no this better than anypne in the courts as far as my case and fed -up royally with what my ex has gotten away with. Aug 6 he had taken me back AGAIn to gain more time with my youngest. I suprisingly gave him Primary of both because I knew once I gave him everything he wanted all eyes would now be on him and I can take him back whenever he doesnt follow the order which is always and I dont have to spend a dime. I am not playing this game with him . I refuse and I am not spending another dime. If I did not do what I did we would be back in court again 6 months later. This is what has occured. This suprises people but there is a method to my madness. He is a recovering addict who is not at all recovering and suspectedly using drugs and he has patterns that are consistant and it is just a matter of time. My goals and complete desire are that I continue to grow and learn and go to counseling, hold him accountable by filing a $25 fee to see the master, educate myself and others and pray . At the last hearing I managed to finally get my oldest counseling but that has not occured yet. I provided my ex with all inforamtion  and put it on him to be responsible which he wont and this will show Oct 22. I am also now insisting that my 9 yr old recieve counseling and will be fighting for that Oct 22. I am aware of what may and may not work for my 15 yr old son at this point but there is no way I cannot at least try and I will not give up. How can you?

I am looking for as much support as possible and I am very passionate about helping any of these organizations spread awareness in this area. Please help! Thank you.

 

Sincerely,

Grieving MOM

ivelostmybabyboy
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Joined: 04/03/2014
Hi Mumsagainstspare, I am not

Hi Mumsagainstspare,

I am not in the state, but would welcome a support group in any way I can for people in this horrid situation

Do you want my personal email?

Steph

ivelostmybabyboy
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Joined: 04/03/2014
Ladies,  I am so sorry to say

Ladies, 

I am so sorry to say that reading your posts felt like I was reading my own story. I have been in total despair after my 11 year old son wants nothing to do with me. I feel like a part of me has died, my soul is destroyed.

When I met my husband I owned a house and I owned a car, my ex had nothing. My ex spent most of our married life unemployed while I worked to financially support the family. I gave up my Uni degree to take care of my family (I worked full time) and look after my babies.

I now know that my ex-husband has a narcissistic personality disorder and due to the manipulation and violence of my marriage, I left my 15 yr marriage with nothing but my children, my handbag. I didn't even have shoes. I fled for my life.

My ex hid money from me during our marriage so when it came time for property settlement, he went to town with our property settlement and ended up with all of our properties, all of our cars, all of our furniture. He didn't even give me photos of my father who passed away when I was 4. You would have thought that was enough, apparently not......then he went for my children.

He spends so much money on my children and provides them with everything I can't afford, this has gone on for 5 years now since our divorce. My son has been violent with me since this time and at times this has eased, but I have kept telling him I love him and tried to support him with counselling and love. My ex delighted recently in coaxing my children to tell me that I was a prostitute, a drug addict, I flirt and sleep with men at every opportunity. Since my divorce I have had one stable relationship with a doctor for 3 years and I have always continued to work full time as a consultant.

My ex even went to the point that he stole my mobile phone and read all my personal messages shared with my partner to my children so they hated me. Recently when my son was angry with my partner and screamed abuse at him, my ex husband told my son he deserved congratulations for his behaviour.

Recently my son told me I was worthless as the worth of my love was how much money I spent on him and how many things I bought him and as I don't have much money I am worthless. He then pretended that I had abused him and started taking photos of his body to send to his father and I hadn't done anything, so I knew at that point I had to let my little boy go.

My ex husband had already enrolled my children in schools without my details being entered, so the schools did not know I existed. He has since had my details removed from all of my son's medical information, even booked my son in for an operation and had the financial account sent to me. When I refused to pay, my son phoned me and screamed that as I won't pay for his medical bills that his father has created then I am dead to him!

I still text me son often and tell him I love him and I miss him.....I never get any response.

I am also a grieving mum praying for the saying: 'if you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't it was never yours to begin with'. In the meantime, I am just trying to survive and pray that my poor daughter who is caught in the middle still continues to come home and let me love her.

mumsagainstpare...
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Joined: 25/10/2010
Grief is a daily battle

I so hear you, my love.  I am on a similar journey. I felt like every day, no every second, was like my child had died as thankfully they aren't dead but that second has been lost to you and your child.  Going to sleep and waking each day is a struggle.   Now from one who has been there...HOLD ON..even if it is by your fingertips as one day we will be reunited with OUR babies in love. This bond is never broken.  For your peace of mind get yourself organized and put the facts down so you can put them somewhere safe for the future but for NOW that the opportunity to look at your life and do EVERYTHING your find to heal this assault on your heart.  I have done most things out there and eventually I found a way to joy again.  BUT this is your journey, your way. I pray for peace for you.  If you are on the Gold Coast I am happy to meet you and have a chat.

 

Now we have to fight for our own situation but it is important to help others so if you find out a way to do this I'm in too.  I was thinking of getting a talk put together in a professional and informative way and getting out to the clubs (Lions/rotary) and see if we can make a difference.

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