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Oneadadc
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Joined: 10/09/2010

First and Foremost - I am the proud father of an 8 year old boy! I share care with his mother in a meaningful way. It was not always so! It took a lot of very hard work and many sacrifices. That my son will occasionally wake me at 3 in the morning to tell me "Last night I forgot to say I love you Daddy" or at other times ask to go to Mums because something special is happening at her place - make me feel very secure in my relationship with my son and very proud of choosing a path I was professionally advised was impossible to achieve.

As the result of an unilateral Interstate relocation I was forced to enter the Family Law System around 7 years ago. I started with a Solicitor who I still refer other people to. I describe her as "Competent and Reasonable" in the context of Family Law Solicitors. I ran out of money so I was left with no choice other than self representation. Just under 12 months later we settled on final orders at pretrial conference. Interestingly - I have never had court imposed parenting orders, always coming to an agreement. Part of my strategy was to prepare to win full custody in Court and then offer to settle for less outside on the understanding "Push me into Court and I will tell it all - no holds barred".

On one occasion during the process I was in front of a Judge of the Family Court on an not related to a a parenting matter - (The ICL wanted a costs order) - after making his decision, the Judge surprised me by checking his file and then making the comment "Your son is lucky to have you as his father".

Back then i knew almost nothing about the Family Law System. Mind you I had taken the time to read the Family Law Act. Something I realised a lot of solicitors don't bother to do. During the early period I went looking for support. I found useful support to be a very rare commodity. After the dust had settled on our final orders I became involved with Dads in Distress as a facilitator. One thing I learned there was most people wanted simple and practical guidance. They weren't looking for all the answers, simply a guide were to go looking for the answers.

Since then I have assisted many people prepare and present their cases in the Family Courts. I have also acted as a McKenzie's Friend (Support Person) on a number of occasions.

I have also developed a fair working knowledge on Child Support issues during the same period.

On the issues relating to children's matters - I am totally gender neutral. Violence is violence! and Abuse is abuse! no matter who the perpetrator is, be it mum, dad, grandma or granddad.    - NOTE - I also consider accusations made for strategic or tactical advantage in family disputes abusive and dangerous to children.

Parenting is best done as part of a team. In most circumstances that means Mum and Dad - Dad and Mum. whether together or separated.

Life brings enough accidental misfortunes which can leave child with one or no parents. That a child can be isolated from one parent because of the other parent's arbitrary and gratuitous selfishness I find absolutely abhorrent, abusive and dangerous. This behavior has deep and long term costs, both practical and psychological for the children and affected parent, which then flows to the wider community. I also believe it puts the wider society at risk.

I also have absolutely no time for Political Correctness. I prefer to be polite and considerate because that is the way I prefer to be treated - political considerations have no place in my choice of language. I am old enough to remember when having a gay time meant having light hearted fun and had nothing to do with alternative sexual choices - in fact I will go further - I consider what has been done with some terms as theft.

Come to me for help and I will help if I can. Come looking for sympathy based on gender issues and I will likely ignore you.

ephraile
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Joined: 25/08/2011
couldn't agree more Oneadadc

It is refreshing to here others talk this way.  I have two boys one 20 and the other 13, both who are very proud of their parents for the way we have handled our separation.  We have had our troubles  (learnings) along the way but our focus is on the well being of our boys. 

I have to admit that I believe in responsible parenting.  I do this because when i say i love my children that means i need to behave in a way that models this belief.

As a volunteer for local family programs I have seen the damage that this type of behaviour causes.  In my mind it is one of the cruelest blows that you can deal an loving parent let alone an innocent child. 

The short & long term damage that this childish, immature and unnecessary behaviour causes to children needs to be drawn into the public arena for discussions and hopefully resolve.

With all the discussions and uproar regarding mental health issues of todays citizens one can only imagine what it will be like  in twenty years with this type of shit (excuse me....not) being put into their little heads.

Children need to experience containment and support to be allowed to love and be loved by in healthy ways from whoever can supply that.  How else do they get the message that they can be safe in the world.

I watched as my partner's former wife poisoned their son against his father. I could not believe the various and constant ways she utilised to interfer with their time together.  I watched as his own family got sucked into the sob stories and then said they didn't want to get involved.

It turns my stomach to have experienced this first hand.  It makes me feel  furious as a parent that anyone could do this to their kids and say that i do it because i love you...BullS..T!!!

 As you say it has far reaching effects..... It is not the things we see but that which we either can't or refuse to see.... 

I ask What are the Hidden Costs on our society both now and in the future?

I look forward to learning more about this topic so that i can assist in making realistic changes to the current system.

rmolo
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Joined: 18/08/2011
Hi I am a journalist at

Hi

I am a journalist at university and am currently writing a news article on Parental Alienation Syndrome, in order to raise a greater awareness of it.  I realise it is obviously a very sensitive issue for many, and I am looking to find someone like yourself that has experience in family law to interview, to give me a better understanding of the issue and the problems surrounding it.  I am also looking to find a parent that has been a victim of this that is willing to talk about their experiences.

Thanks for your help, Rose.

johnnyratt
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Joined: 09/02/2011
HAND UP

HI THERE IF U HVNT FOUND ANYONE TO HELP WITH UR PROJECT U CAN CONTACT ME.. FALSE ALLEGATIONS..POLICE HV EVIDENCE THAT SHE MADE IT UP BUT DONT/WONT USE IT...FOUND NOT GUILTY...ICL SAYS I DONT GIVE A SHIT THAT HE WANTS TO SEE HIS KIDS..SOLICITOR HAS A LAUGH WITH HER...NEW SOLICITOR...KIDS BEING TORTURED BY THE SICKEST WOMAN THERE IS.. i no men are capable of it too....court court court ajourn ajourn all the time kids still stuck in the middle..COURT SHOULD DO TESTING OF EVIDENCE ON THE FIRST DAY NOT THE LAST.its in the childs best interest..ANYWAY ID BE GLAD TO HELP IF SOME PEOPLE HERE SEE HOW BAD OTHERS HV DONE IT IT MIGHT GIVE THEM THE STRENGTH THEY NEED TO DO ALL U NEED TO DO...THE MAIN ONE IS KEEPIN CALM IN IMPOSSIABLE STIUATIONS..CHEERS TO ALL HERE WITH THERE INFO ITS HELPED ME ALOT ..IM HALF WAY THERE ..

THANKS JOHN...

Andrew
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Joined: 30/03/2011
Hi

Thanks for sharing that . i am new on here, Ive written a note under hello using name Andrew.

Regards

chalmers064
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Joined: 05/01/2011
Both My Children have been abducted and NOT BY THE FATHER.

Please help. I am at a loss as to what I should do to get my children out of the hands of the abductors. The Family Courts in Tasmania have mishandled this case from start to where it is at present. I am a self acting litigant. I do not trust lawyers anymore. 3 sets of hands have had a go at this case and it has been mishandled greatly to say the least. My children are 9 & 12yrs old. They are in the hands of my mentally disturbed and very cold, calculating, callous and vengeful 29yr old daughter and her twice convicted criminal husband who has been before the court previously charged with 4 counts of child sexual assault with a child under the age of 10yrs old. The court knows this and yet they allow my children to remain where they are, in the hands of these individuals who are systematically brainwashing my children. Please please help. I have applied to the Family Court in Hobart last Thursday to having the "interim parenting orders" granted by ex-partee decision, "set aside". I have sought the return of my children pending final orders. I have also sought the case be moved to Sydney and the case be heard ab initio (from the begining). I can clearly see that the Tasmanian judicial system doesn't want me to expose what they are doing and the what has occured to date. The Tasmanian judicial system needs to be exposed for allowing my children to remain in the care of people who abducted them using lies, collusion, deceipt at the highest level without a shred of evidence to back it up. If you can assist with procedural advice I would be extremely appreciative of this.

Kind Regards,

 

Jodi.

P.S. I am at the end of my rope. I am very depressed, stressed and quite frankly suicidal. I have done nothing wrong. I have not hurt my children in any way. My daughter and her sick husband are acting out of well planned and timed revenge. This is truly a very strange case that all parents should be concerned about. Anyone can take your children and get away with it.

Raeleeis
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Joined: 04/01/2011
trying to send a message

Hi There, I am looking for the method of sending you a 'private' message but can't work out how.. if you don't mind replying to my email address or explain how I can contact you that would be great.

Thanks,

Raelee

Richard A. Priestly
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Joined: 11/11/2010
Searching for Info

Hi, I'm a new user, just found this site today and starting to read more.  I am shocked at just how closely my ex-wife's behaviour personality traits and my kids behaviours match virtually text book the descriptions here.

Anyway, I was reading the article by Dr Gardener and was wondering where I can get the tables from that he refers to?

Can anyone provide a full copy of the article?

Oneadadc
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Joined: 10/09/2010
Parental Alienation Syndrome

A word of caution!

Much of Dr Gardener's work has been discredited. Specifically the courts, particularly in Australia, do not accept "Parental Alienation" is a syndrome. That is not to say ""PA" does not exist. Anybody seeking further information would be better to seek information of "Parental Alienation"

ephraile
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Joined: 25/08/2011
I read that "PA" is a complex

I read that "PA" is a complex family dynamic. Parental Alienation Syndrome has a criteria that is not medically supported.

It is my understanding that the law endorses that the child has a right to a loving relationship with both their parents/ families.  Rather than prove your ex's insanity (which i believe it is) you have to show a trail of evidence that proves that they are interferring in the relationship. 

It can be hard to remain psychologically poised but unfortunately there is no other way but to follow the process and talk to your supporters when it gets hard.

Clinical Psych
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Joined: 11/11/2010
Introduction

Hi,

I have only just joined (Clinical Psych), and have just posted a new topic "concerned step mum". You can read more about my personal story there! Needless to say, it's been a long journey as you know!

I have had many years experience with PAS both professionally and personally. My mother alienated me from my father when I was 13, and I have not spoken to him for some time. I have helped many families (especially dad's) going though divorce/separation, by empowering them and teaching them about boundaries and how to recognise, diffuse and contain their own emotional responses. I have also been through my own very personal and painful journey with my current husband.

I have an 8-year-daughter from my previous marriage, and we have shared care of our daughter. My ex is a terrific dad, and my daughter knows she has both a dad and step-dad who both love her unconditionally! Her father has also recently re-partnered. She is wonderful, and my daughter adores her too! How lucky she is!

I also have a blog: www.wordpress.healthmatrixx.wordpress.com and have posted a number of articles/stories related to PAS.

My husband's ex-wife has stalked me and made many unfounded accusations about my family. As such, this is the first time I ever made my story known. She has even accused me of using my blog to "ridicule and slander her" despite the fact that I have never even referred to her in ANY blog! (she only found the blog in the first place due to her stalking).

I am also in the process of writing a book, called "The bitter-ex syndrome". Controversial I know!! The book is for dads, on how to maintain a healthy relationship with their child/ren post separation/divorce. I have included a number of practical strategies and skills designed to help them take back the power they feel they have lost! I have a number of personal stories also, which have enriched the content of my book (it's still in it's infancy though!).

I would be happy to assist in any way with this site, as like you, I am clearly quite passionate about this subject!!

(Name deleted by Moderator)

 

 

 

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