Hi

My child is 3 years old and has been subjected to PA by her Father basically since birth.  I left her Father when she was 6 months old.  I have always strived to offer support and encouragement so that our child is able to maintain regular contact with her Father through spending quality time as much as possible given the situation.  He lives 3 hours drive away from us so the distance does make it more challenging for them to see each other on a regular basis.  Recently we made the heartbreaking discovery that our little girl was being sexually abused at child care by another child.  Sadly, she wasn't the only child being abused either.  The journey since that horrifying discovery has been traumatic, dramatic and heartwrenching to say the least.  AND this journey has only just begun.  Just being a parent alone is challenging enough but having this particular issue added to the mix is more demanding that I ever imagined.  To make matters worse, the Father of our beautiful daughter is amping up his PA efforts despite the tragedy we have been faced with.  I find it difficult to even articulate how this is affecting the relationship between our daughter and myself.  I really felt the need to vent on some forum tonight - somewhere and say something to get this awful burden off my chest.  I don't even know if anyone would bother to read this but that doesn't really matter right now.  At the moment, I simply need to express.  Today was especially difficult.  My beautiful daughter has gone from being a lovely, well mannered and gracious little girl to a ... defiant, disrespectful and demanding little brat.  That's the truth.  She has become an embarrasment to take out in public and while that may sound disguistingly mean - it is the awful truth.  Even I find it difficult to admit.  My family can now only handle her in small doses and frankly - I'm beginning to feel the same way.  The saddest thing is that because of the dynamics in our family - me being the 24/7 parent and he being the Disneyland Dad our daughter idolises her Father.  So, regardless of me being the full time parent, anything the Father says about me has GOT to be true.  To hear my 3 year old girl release expletives upon me is truly sickening.  She repeats (and believes) verbatim what her Father tells her about me and she mimics his condescending behaviour towards me.  Today it felt like I reached breaking point.  I have told the Father that because of the effect his unscrupulous behaviour has had upon our girl, he will now have to take me to court for custody and / or visitation rights.  He has breached our Parenting Plan ever since inception so I no longer see the value in it.  I have worked tirelessly with Family Relationships Centre, Childrens Contact Service and even himself directly over these past 3 years and to date there has been no tangible improvement.  I don't know how to deal with my daughter on days like today other than to growl her, smack her and send her to her room.  Nothing else seems to work - time out, removing fav toys / food / play dates / tv programs.  Have to admit, when I told her that she is not going to her Father's this w'end because I am sick of the behaviour (his AND hers) towards me - it made her stop and think.  That was not, however, my intention.  I was merely advising her of my decision.  I am at my wit's end.  I have always felt like I am working an uphill battle with my ex and unless I figure out how to work my relationship wisely with my child I fear I'll be faced with the same uphill battle with her.  I feel especially isolated in this situation because I am also dealing with the issue of sexual abuse.  While we are receiving professional help, I still find it truly spectacular that our girl's Father has not shown timely or appropriate regard for such an tremendously devastating incident.  Yet, here I am still grieving.  As far as the PA is concerned I can't see any other way to make clear the boundaries between what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and conduct in front of our child regarding each other - other than refusing further contact until such time we settle this matter in court.  Ideas anyone??