Heart Broken Mum of 3 boys
Hi all i am so glad to find this site and read stories simular to mine,wow it just amazes me to see that there are so many people out there in the same boat as me it makes me wonder why people(meaning ex partners) can be so malouslios,spiteful,hurtfull,ill natured etc..
They are not only playing with there own feelings what about the life of these children this is no means a life it is torture kids dont ask to be the bullet when marriages fall apart if the parent that is causeing all this heart ache sat down and thought about it,it makes me wonder how they would cope or how they would feel,
So heres my story was with my ex husband for 17 years first love straight out of school lived in a small counrty town had my 3 boys got married and thought life couldnt get any better that was untill the verbal abuse started,accusing me of cheating when he had been caught out twice doing it,me being the one that didnt want to break up a family stayed putting up with the abbuse and fighting all the time seeing the hurt in my boys eyes to see mum & dad fighting all the time what was i to do stay for them or leave so with much hurt i moved into my mums where i continude to see my every day a stayed there for a while then my ex promised me the world again he promised he had changed was never gunna accuse me of cheating again or abbuse me so me being gullable moved back in,It was great for the first few weeks then things started to fall apart again so i made the decising this was it this time i was moving out again so back to my mums i moved,having the boys every day when ever i liked it was good i could spend time with my boys where there wasnt any accusing or abbuse it was great,then something snapped with my ex he decided he wasnt allowing me to see or have any contact with the boys again,for what reason i will proble never no(Biploa) im sure he has it.
So i went to leagal aid for help they sent my ex a letter to say i was applying for visitation rights knowing him i knew this would scare him and he would let me see the boys and it did but for ONE visit where i spent 3 hours outside his house with the 3 boys it was wonderful i hadnt seen them for 3 months prior they were excited as much as i was they wanted to come with me then &there and was looking foward to be able to spend week-ends with me the 3 boys told me that there father had told them it was up to them if they wanted to see me or not(what a lie this turned out to be)No sooner i had left there home town to travel a hour back to where i live i got a txt saying that will be the last time you see the boys i couldnt understand why then i relised that if he let the boys come spend time with me he would end up with no one he has the boys brainwashed that i dont want to see them or have anything to do with them how could someone lie to there own kids like that i gave birth to them why wouldnt i wanna see them,i have never taking drugs rarly drink and never been a smoker but ask my ex im a Drug dealer,alcoholic,hooker and the list goes on & on i have recived txt messages accusing me of nothing then what he has made up in his own head and calling me every name under the sun,it was my sons 11 birthday last year so i sent him a Msg wishing him a happy birthday to recive a txt msg back saying *uc* off your nothing but a truckies *lut WOW i was gutted thinking OMG is this what my son really think of me then looking at the msg again i relised that it wasnt the way my son text's it was his father on his phone making it look like my son had sent it.
Time goes by i ring asking to come see the boys and theres always a excuse or just no answer or i drive the hour one way trip to go see them only to find that he has put the boys in the car and taking them outta town.Locals of the town belive that im the worst person in the world cause they belive i dont want anything to do with my boys where this is the BIGGEST LIE i want nothing more to see them but ex has brain washed every one into thinking this its amazing what people will do to make them selves look and feel better when really they should be thinking of the life of the boys and the long term affect its going to have on them.My brother commited suicude at the age of 20 my mum was a single mum and raised the 3 of us on her own due to my father walking out for another women.This scares the life outta me to think that my boys could take the same way out all due to there father being the way he is.
I seen my boys at one of the local taverns in there home town only cause i was out visiting my mum and was told that my ex & my 3 boys where there so me my new husband & nephew went up there i spoke to my 2 eldest boys but my youngest 1 is so brain washed by his father he wouldnt speak to me,the other two told me thing that were & werent happeing at home then both told me they wanted to live with me crying with the boys i promised that things would change and be differnt soon i have tryed to reason with my ex i did the parenting plan and another letter stating what i expected outta everything i did all the right things legal aid advised me to do to get NOTHING back from ex on his part how does this seem fair or right i gave him everything to sort this matter out and all he did was proble through it in the bin.He has got the boys beliving that i dont love them and want nothing to do with them he has them telling people they hate me they dont ever wanna see me he lies to every one all the time,my son was kicked in the testical at school and was flown to hospital for emergency surgury that i found out by a outsider that was friends with ex at the time and when i rang asking about what had happened he denied everything and told me it was all lies so i rang the hospital only to find out minor details cause they couldnt conform i was his mother even after given them as much info as i possiable could but they did conform that yes he had been taking to hospital for surgery and yet his father still lied about it who is this seen as GOOD PARENTING its not i understand he is full of hate,anger,rage and the rest with me for leaving him but how does he justify his reason for treating his boys in this way they are getting older and they will relise that his has been keeping me from seeing them and where does that leave him with no one or nothing only to grow old very lonly cause im sure the boys will have alot of hate for him when they relise what he had been doing to them,he lies to me when i do catch him at home out of the blue he tells me the boys aint home and then 1 will open the front door and see me and then proble wonder why im there and havent bothered to see them..
As of today its been 4 months sience i have seen or spoken to them he wont allow the boys a mobile phone anymore cause they will try and contact me both older boys told me that the 3 had mobile phones when i left but he has taking them off them who gives him the right to stop them i have contacted the police a number of times i have been out there and tryed to visit but they tell me because there is no court order they carnt do anything how can i get a court order when my ex wont fill in any forms and keeps lien and hiding my kids from me he even went to the level of telling the school they attend that they need to be on high watch with them as im apprently going to KIDNAP them how can i kidnap my own kids.I dont understand the law i really dont if my kids want to spend time with me who has the right to stop them.He should be the one that has no contact or visit rights not me i would never do to him what he is doing to me all Kids will only every have 1 mum & 1 dad...
Im at a loss as what to do next?????
Helping raise awareness of parental alienation it impacts on us all,
ADD ME Accidently documenting HAP/PAS
Stop Hostile aggressive parenting
Everything you wished you didn't need to know about Parental Alienation Syndrome & Hostile Aggressive Parenting. In 10 minuets or less.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=CI-j3gke9T0
Seek Legal Advice NOW. you can get interim orders to see your kids. It will cost you about $1500. If you can't afford it, beg borrow or steal (just kidding) to get it.
Legal is the only way.
Don't leave it any longer. Your kids really do need you and you have an obligation to get them back not only for yourself but for them as well.
You may want to seek advice from the following site on what to do. But they will tell you exactly what I have just told you.
Get legal advice and get it fast. The longer you leave it the worse it gets for you and your kids to build that relationship back up if he's alienating them to the extent you say.
Good Luck
I have a 7 year old grandson who has visited his father every 2nd weekend since he was 1yr old. My daughter has done nothing but encourage a relaltionship between father and son even allowing the father to have a bed in our home for the first year so that he could bond with his son and travelling 2 hours each way every fortnight since to take her son to his father but the father has been so angry about the end of the relationship and he is more concerned with his 'rights' as a father than he is with how his son is feeling. He constantly tells his son that if it weren't for his mother they would be a happy family now and tells him that he has no money because he gives it all to his mother. Children do not need to hear this kind of thing....(it isnt true anyway, there is a constant battle between him and CSA with regard to child support payments and my daughter has remarried and has another child so there is no chance of their relationship resuming). On pick up day every fortnight I have to watch my grandson beg and plead and even try to jump from a moving car to avoid going to his fathers. Why are the children not listened to. I dont know why he does not want to go, but it should not really matter. I believe that if he is listened to and even given a break from going, he would then want to see his father again and things would be much easier for him but, because he is made to go the heartache happens. I know this is making my grandson an angry child, he has so much trouble at school for days after his return from access visits and is just settling in again when it all begins again for the next visit.
I dont want my grandson to be just a statistic when he is older by being just one more child that the legal system failed. This is his emotional well being that is at stake here and it will follow him right through to his adult life.
I imagine what it would be like to be made to do something every second weekend that I really didnt want to do and to have to do it for 6 years. It would make me angry and resentful, just because my grandson is only 7 years old it doesnt mean that he doesnt have the same feelings of anger and frustration at being made to do what he clearly does not want to do.
Someone has to start to listen to the children....they are the ones that count here, not the mothers or the fathers. The children are the innocent victims in the broken relationships and their emotional wellbeing is what is most important.
I dont know what is going to happen in the future but hopefully with the love and support of my daughter, myself and his aunties, my grandson will have a chance at being a well adjusted teenager and then adult.
Dear Worried Nan,
You need to find out the reason your grandson doesn't want to go to his fathers.
If child protection issues are at stake here then the courts want to know about it IMMEDIATELY, they act on child protection issues straight away.
If you Nan, have a close relationship with your grandson you can ask him to tell you why he doesn't want to go, using the right methods of asking. Ie/ You can tell Nan any secrets you want and Nan won't tell anyone else about it.
He may open up and tell you one of two things, he'll tell you he's being abused, mentally or physically or he'll tell you something that bothers him which really isn't that bad and you can help guide him through it.
If he is being abused I suggest you get legal advice asap. They will get a Family consultant involved from the court to interview your grandson and this information can be used in court to assist yours and his cause.
Good Luck
hi i was reading your story, it made me very sad to read it and what your ex is doing i know all to well how you feel. my ex has been viloent towards both of my children and has been roported to ploice the bigest shock i got was when the officer rang me back and told me that he had addmitted to it but nothing will be done cause he told them it was a accident and so did my 8 yo. How can these accidents keep happening and nothing is done about it? is what i ask.
it has been 9 months since i have seen my kids not from lack of trying.i have had both my kids on the phone asking when am i going to see them, i say all i can " mummy would love to see you but its up to dad"
which i got the reply from the 8yo dad said you can see us anytime if you sign paper work its very heart breaking the poor kid has no idea that the 'PAPERWORK' my ex wants me to sign is my parental rights over to him as far as im concerned it WILL never happen, all the things your ex called you is what i got and get called too. the kids see this and think that its normal.
somedays i sit back and just think in a few years thay will work out what the ex is like and what he has done thay will hate him for it but until that day i just got to keep trying to be there for my kids even though most days it hurts like hell
Wow, their are two extreme cases.
I feel for you girls and mostly your kids.
This behaviour is Pathetic of a human being.
I really believe it is a mental disorder that causes one parent to do this to another.
I can only sympathise with you two and remember make sure you try everything to see your kids, EVERYTHING. And when they see you trying they will want to be with you when they are 12 years old, that's when they can decide who they want to live with.
who's online
Search
Who's new
- Wantmychildback
- Dmorris
- broken soul
- alien
- wronglyaccused
Website proudly sponsored by Big Ideas.