A letter from a once alienated daughter

Submitted by Admin on Wed, 08/09/2010 - 10:25

Jayne recently wrote this short account of her separation from her Dad for over 21 years, since she was six weeks old, and their search for one another and eventual reuniting earlier this year.

She has asked that her story be shared with others, to show that separation and adversity can be overcome.

What Jayne didn't say in her brief story is that she was deeply affected by the absence of her father, and his love, and this led to her being very rebellious as a teenager and to being evicted from home by her mother aged 14 years old.  And then on to a life on the streets and drug use.  Hopefully now she can pull the threads of her life together and move on in love, safety and confidence with her life.

(Name has been changed to protect "Jayne's" privacy and safety.)

Jayne's Story

My name is Jayne and this is my brief story, from a child’s point of view, regarding a child’s separation and the loss of a loving father.

It starts 21 years ago, when I was only 6 weeks old, and my maternal grandfather was sent by my mother to our home and proceeded to order my father to hand over all of my clothes and those of my mother.  He then informed my father that he would never see his wife or daughter again.  From that day on my mother painted my father as being the worst man that ever lived.

When I was 2 years of age my mother proceeded to get remarried to a wonderful man who would become my main support in the hunt to find my real father.  My stepfather had informed me from an early age that he wasn't my biological father but that he loved me as if I was his own.

At the age of six I began to search for my real Dad.  Internet connection speed at that time was 56k so you can imagine the amount of time it took for one page to load.  I searched the White Pages for what, to a 6 year old, seemed like a long time and I didn't find him as there were 6-7 pages of my father’s surname and I had no idea of where he lived or even the state or country.

My mother started to brainwash me into believing that my father hated me.  She even went as far as telling me that my father had thrown me on the bed, in an effort to hurt me, that he had called me a money stealer because I needed to have formula and nappies and that he had tried to kill her and myself by running us over in the car.  These lies continued to the age of ten, when again I tried to look for my father.  This time she showed me a fraudulent death certificate stating that my father died in a train accident in approximately 1993.

Still, part of me believed my father was alive and everyday I tried to dedicate half an hour a day to finding him, but sadly my efforts weren't successful.  This continued up until my 15th birthday when I finally gave up hope. My thoughts, at the time, were either that his death was real or, if he was still alive, that he didn't love me and didn't want to find me.  Little did I know that my father DID love me and that he DID want to find me.

I am never going to forget the day I received the letter, via the Salvos … as the day before I had been fired from work and I was grieving the death of my stillborn son and was on the point of suicide.  That letter saved my life literally.  I then misplaced the letter, only to rediscover it on my 21st birthday.  Finally, in March 2007, I contacted my Dad.

A month later, on ANZAC day, my partner and I were on a plane heading to   Melbourne  to meet my Dad and my family.  Yes, I was so petrified, to the point of breaking my boyfriend’s fingers, but boy am I glad that I made the effort of coming down to   Melbourne  to meet my family. I fell in love with them.  There was no going back from there.  That was six months ago. I have now moved to   Melbourne  and am here for 12 months, maybe longer.  All we know is that Baby Gal has come home to her Daddy Dearest for better or for worse.

What I am essentially seeking to convey is that a child will always have a special part in their heart for YOU, their father, and for you not to give up.  Yes, it might take 21 years, or it could take a couple of months, but there is always hope.

I dedicate this letter to all the fathers who have lost their children, but most of all to the man that didn't give up for 21 years, the man who I call My Daddy Dearest and my Best Friend.  

Thank you Daddy Dearest.  I love you; please don't forget that.

Thank you D.I.D.s. for the part you played in supporting, helping and encouraging my father to take the step to search for me, when I was old enough.  And thank you for the warm welcome, support and encouragement, when Dad and I attended a meeting in November.

Jayne

28th November 2007

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