The false accuser turns out to be the abuser

Submitted by Admin on Wed, 08/09/2010 - 10:45

This is a fairly long one! However, it's way to hard to even try to condense it!

Due to a violent marriage, I left my husband some 6 years ago. My 3 children and I 'ran' with little more than our clothes, to a woman's refuge.

We re-established our lives in a smallish country town and quickly settled into life - albeit a tough road and a meagre life ...... we had freedom and peace.

The family court proceedings ( access and custody .... no property ! ) was a challenge to say the least.

I reasoned, communicated and explained that my children were at serious risk if unsupervised access was granted to my ex. Unfortunately, without 'evidence', my claims fell on deaf ears.

The court "in their wisdom" granted that my daughter ( then 5 years old ) was to see her father every second weekend and half the school holidays- unsupervised.

I was forced to watch my daughter - turn from a happy, care free child to a depressed, negative, guarded and self destructive person.

At the time I was not completely sure as to what was causing this change in personality, however, as it was always at it's peak after access visits, I had my suspicions.

We lived with this unpredictability ... on this roller coaster .. for 5 years.

All of our relationships suffered, in fact it got to the point where we were so busy 'dealing' with the stuff .. that we hardly had any time to 'connect'.

I enrolled the kids into all sorts of community clubs, we took a holiday, we did exciting things and took on all sorts of new challenges and the children made new friends ... yet ..... to my 5 year old, life with us .... was always negative. Even though she obviously thoroughly enjoyed herself .... after speaking or visiting with her father, she would return with a "my life is crap ... compared to ...... " attitude.

When my daughter was 6, she was coerced (by her father) to speak with the school principal - telling him all about my 'supposed' abuse of her.

As a result, I had Human Services ( Child Protection) pay me a visit ... I made it clear to them .... that I was not the abusive one and that they would be better served concentrating their efforts on the father.

I asked them ... "how do I stop an abuser, abusing me via the system?"

Human Services concluded that I had nothing to answer to.

When my daughter was 9, she was once again coerced (by her father) to speak with the school principal - telling him about how I was abusive toward her. Consequently, I again had Human Services knocking on my door.

I was offered "how to be a good parent counselling" ... which took 8 weeks for them to implement!

Fortunately I could see it for what it was ..... a smoke screen ... if he could cast 'the spotlight' on anyone else (other than himself) and send these departments running in all directions .... the real focus would not be on him ... the perpetrator.

Only a month later ( while I was waiting for "how to be a good parent counselling" to take place ! ) ....

during an access visit, my daughter's father was caught (at a local pool ) inappropriately touching her ....

To cut a long story short ..... my daughter had not been back since ... and although she regularly attends counselling - she is flourishing, a completely different child and our relationship is getting stronger by the day.

I am now, breaking Court Orders (putting my legal ass on the line) to protect my daughter from her father .... and although the Police investigations are coming to an end and charges are soon to be laid .... Human Services will not get involved .... they won't help me to protect my child ... go figure!

Parental Alienation .... is not a syndrome ..... it's a cunning, calculated way of one parent gaining control over the child .. therefore having a negative influence on the life of the other parent. It's a "kick them where it hurts" approach to control.

Having said that ... it can also be a " if I can't have them, nobody else will" mentality.

Abuse guises itself in many forms ( some forms don't show bruises ) and the sooner parental alienation is recognised for what it is .. the sooner our children can grow and live in peace.

Suffice to say, I have strong opinions and a lot of experience in this matter which I would like to share with others. It would be fantastic to hear some other points of view on all that is PAS .... how to deal with it on a daily basis, how to rebuild the self esteem in a child who has been told how they should think, who they should trust and has not been 'allowed' to formulate opinions of their own and how to keep moving on from this.

In October 2007, I received a phone call from the police involved in the investigation of the sexual misconduct case.

They informed me that the father had been found dead in September - suicide has not been ruled out.

I broke the news to my daughter - she cried, then she said " I don't have to be afraid anymore".

For the first time in 5 years, she has opened her bedroom curtains and walked down the hallway, without turning on every light in the house. I would say that she feels relieved.

His parents and 5 siblings have not contacted us or let us know of any funeral / burial arrangements, in fact there has not even been a funeral notice.

My daughter and I went to the beach and tossed flowers into the ocean. I hope this provides some degree of closure for my daughter.

Thanks for taking the time to read my story

Joined: 27/02/2012
Parental alienation is a

Parental alienation is a social dynamic, generally occurring due to divorce or separation, when a child expresses unjustified hatred or unreasonably strong dislike of one parent, making access by the rejected parent difficult or impossible. These feelings may be influenced by negative comments by the other parent and by the characteristics, such as lack of empathy and warmth, of the rejected parent. Thanks. Regards,
Joined: 25/01/2012
my beautiful girl....... and- no one can help ...!!

been devastated....2 weeks ago , her dad decides 2 get apply for residence!! 

ive had her ten years!!!!  he been in and out of her life,  but meets  a new girlf  and then makes my life hell,  and spites our girl  2 get at me!.been goin on since 2010   all sorts of accusations.  making me look the bad one!!!!

basically alienating her , no one would listen !!!!!

 she been hitting out in school, really suffering!!!!

wanting 2 harm herself , the lot!!!

i stopped contact ,  he managed 2 entice her 2 jump the back fence in her p.js one sunday morning, and him and his girlf waited by the back gate

havent had her back since!!!  she run away squealing wen i walked up 2 talk 2 her in the street!!!!!

im devastated..

court gave him residence now!!!!!

help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxxxxxx

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