More suffering even for the new partner and step family

Submitted by Admin on Wed, 08/09/2010 - 10:42

My name is (name withheld). I am a man suffering domestic violence from my ex. My Children are suffering this same abuse. My new family is suffeing

My x has done everything in her power to stop me seeing my children as a weapon to hurt me, inadvertently she is hurting our children.

My x has not let me near my children for the last 3 years. She asserts to all that I am violent and dangerous. This is not the case. She says that I have aspergers syndrome to all stakeholders around my children. I have never been diagnosed with this condition. I am not autistic. Professionals I associate with as a carer for disabled people find her assertions ridiculous., yet people around my x and my children believe and support her.

My x has had two of my children diagnosed with aspergers syndrome. Ibelieve they are actually suffering parental alienation. I have not been allowed to visit my children on birthdays, Christmas, etc, not anytime!

My x will not let me call my children or my children call me. My x has torn up my contact details that I have given my children, my children have told me this. She will not advise me of the professionals she takes our children to so that I may find out and assist, where I can, any of my children’s needs.My x try’s to stop me attending any events where my children are present, she has told the school not to give out my children’s information to me and they have obliged her illegally. There is no court order to that extent.Only after persistent written requests did they finally give me a report card. I still haven’t received this year’s report card even though they assured me they would send it to me. I requested a copy of ALL information regarding my children. School affiliated specialists have seen my children but they give me none of this information. My x tells the school to exclude me; they have obliged her with her mere insinuation and fraudulent proof.I have requested interviews with my children’s class teachers, as I had not attended parent teacher nights to avoid possible confrontations with my x. I have not been given any advice or appointment. I asked on what grounds the principal and her office staff defy the law regarding freedom of information to parents, they say that I had been an abuser of my children and that my x is the primary carer so I have no rights.

My x is only the primary carer because she will not allow me access.I want access, my children want access, and I want to hands on support my children. My x won’t allow this.I believe my x collects the pension to pay off her house and excludes me to that extent so she may optimise her welfare money and the money that I have to pay to support her rampage of hate against me. They believe her.

While they hinder me they will not put their names to my x's assertions and their own actions of supporting her. I put it to them (the school administration and principal) I wish to make a complaint about my x's insinuations and defamation of my character. In fact I put it to all they are collusive and deserve to be charged with my defamation and the abuse of my children’s rights and mine.Of course none of them will support that action.

My x's Mother has a network of teacher friends within the northern suburbs because she was a primary school teacher in this area, before she retired, and frequents most school events regarding my children, relating well with the teachers and professionals working around my children.

I have done nothing to deserve this exclusion and defamation. In essence the x's family is bullying me. They have convinced the stakeholders in my children’s lives that I am a danger to them and my children.My new family has been excluded from childcare at the YMCA next to the school where my children and my stepdaughter go to school; My x has a friendship with management there. Now that she has put this restraining order on me how are we to even attempt to utilise childcare at this location. My children, my stepchildren deserve to have their rights attended to.

My stepchildren like my children, my children like my stepchildren but they have been aggressively told to stay apart by the x and enforced by the schools principal with assertions I may pass messages to my children via my stepchildren. Actually the reverse is the fact. My children pass messages through my stepchildren to me. My children and my stepchildren are in fact stepbrothers and sisters.

Who would keep these children apart? I am at ease in pointing the finger at my x and all the stakeholders in my children’s lives who have been poisoned by my x's defamation and slander of me.I have been called into the principal’s office for giving my children backpacks with show bags in them at school. I have been told I may not approach my children in school. I feel that there is a guard around my children at all times at school events so that I may not approach them. I reiterate I have done NOTHING to my children to harm them and NEVER intend doing so.My x has brought my 7-year-old stepdaughter, at the time, to tears on the phone. She called 7 year old an abuser for befriending my daughter, her stepsister.

My x has come to my home and aggressively cornered and questioned my stepson in the driveway of our home; he was 10 years old at the time, about me and driven off in a dangerous manner. Calling out as she was leaving, to this boy and my partner that she was “gunnu get him now,” (meaning me).My x has demanded my new partner listen to her ranting through our screen door at our home and again with multiple harassing phone calls to the same address.

We have received multiple obscene text messages threatening my new family. I have shown these to the police… they do NOTHING. My partner has complained on numerous occasions to the police about Hilary’s harassment of my stepchildren, they do NOTHING!My children have a right to see me if they chose! My stepchildren have a right to live without fear of this women’s harassment and threatening behaviour but no one will help us. Why can this mother get away with this?This IS systems abuse! Now she has issued a restraining order against me over Christmas to keep me from visiting my children and to prevent me from frequenting places she may go. I find this an idiotic, antagonistic gesture.

I am sure my x wishes that she has opportunity to fraudulently implicate me to the negative in some circumstantial event, or she is hopeful that I will be angered enough to retaliate. I will NOT give her the satisfaction.

We live streets away from each other we both go to the local shops. My x will imply in any circumstance that we meet that I am stalking her or up tono good. This is systems abuse at it’s worst!My family and I will not be bullied out of our rightful place wherever we choose to be. We do NOT stalk her or my family but she goes on to imply at every chance meeting that I am stalking her and up to no good. This extends to my new family because the restraining order says I can not contact her through any agent except a family court lawyer. Not that I want to have anything to do with the woman accept to see my children.

Now with this order in place I will have no opportunity to see my children while my x will go on with her detrimental plans for me. She did this now to hinder my ability to see my children over Christmas by having the order delivered at 5pm today Friday 23 of December, so I have NO access to any services to help me until after Christmas.

I intended to get a police escort to visit my children knowing that if I were to turn up on my children’s doorstep she would imply the worst of me. I purposely try to avoid the woman but sometimes paths cross especially living in such close proximity, now that visit is out of the question.She implies to all that I am dangerous and a threat to her and my children. This is not the case! While I am angry with this, who wouldn’t be? I am not the kind of person to act out an aggressive act versus anyone. My x in fact has been violent toward me in the past daily when I lived with her. In the present, at every opportunity, she does not hesitate in front of my stepchildren and partner. She does however pick her moments to verbally abuse me in public so that she may seem to be righteous.By violently attacking me in front of my children when I lived with her behind closed doors. I have friends who have witnessed her punching me and abusing me. By putting this black mark of a restraining order against my new family’s name for NO reason except her own malicious intent!My x was abusive to my children and I have recordings of this but no one wants to hear them, I have recordings of her abuse against me but no one wants to listen. As she says in one of the recordings “they won’t believe you because you’re a man, they’ll believe me because I’m a woman!”In fact some say I did the wrong thing by recording her insanity, a privacy issue they say, well even with this proof no one wants to believe me. I did the only thing I could do to provide proof of this abuse in a country that is so obviously biased favouring women in all family matters concerning children. This country’s people are so easily led to believe the worst of men. This woman will say anything to “get” me, I have that proof on tape. She gave her permission to record her and directed me to do so. It’s all on tape, why won’t anyone listen?Why is everyone allowing her to abuse our children and me in this way? I will not be the monster she paints me out to be for her own face saving and hurtful device. This situation is repeated time and again in Australia,

Men and women alike abuse the system unfortunately.

Unfortunately again for my children and so many others, women like my x are able to abuse the system because no one stands in her way and if I do I am called an abuser and beaten down by my own children’s stakeholders. I will not disappear for my children’s sake. I will stay put all I ask is for equality in this issue.I totally understand why so many men go off the rails at this time of year, where is the justice in this country?

So many men before me have spent everything they have going into court only to get NOTHING in the way of justice to help those fathers have a relationship with their children because of their estranged ex’s vengeful assertions and the courts bias evaluations.Point to the equality if you can! Point to the care of the children’s rights if you can!

My x has abused my stepchildren to the point that they fear her and my stepson has moved back to his fathers to avoid her and her anger toward him. I have to escort my stepdaughter to primary school because she fears her. She is a wonderful little girl and doesn’t deserve Hilary’s hatred or others bias. I have done nothing to deserve this neither have my stepchildren or my partner.I have done everything that the Government Issue booklets describe I should do to promote a positive relationship with my children. I have moved to the area and made myself available to support my children. To this she says I am stalking her. This is definitely NOT the case.

I have written to my children but my x disposes of the cards and letters before anyone sees them. I have bought presents for my children that she will not let me personally deliver. I have given up wasting my effort writing knowing her hatred of me will destroy those letters and cards.

I offer to take my children out to buy shoes, clothing, and school supplies, meals etc but she will not allow me to. She demands I hand her the money so she may purchase these things, then she claims I don’t pay child support, yet I do!She yells in front of my stepdaughter and I at the school and in front of other parents and children that “I take better care of my stepchildren than my own”, how is that meant to affect my children and my stepchildren? She shouts that I am dangerous at the top of her voice pointing at me. In that instance I had to take my stepdaughter to the shop before school to purchase some lunch for her for a school trip and escort her into school because of her fears of the x, and rightly so.Even when she threatened to run me over with her car at my designated drop off point at the school (where she was NOT supposed to be, she had parked there to confront me) the school and police did nothing. My stepson witnessed this yet the principal of the school said, “Your x just made a badcall” and did NOTHINGWhy when my ex punched me in the face and I did the right thing by calling the police was I not supported? They just said “you don’t want the mother of your children arrested do you mate”.The child support system has told me “children don’t need their fathers”.Men’s line says well the only thing to do is wait for my children to grow and make the choice to see me once their mother can no longer force their decisions. I feel like there is nothing for me to do but defy child support payments. I did for a time but of course that was futile and to my own detriment. I have resumed those payments.I have seen too many of my male friends throw all their earthly possessions into lawyers pockets and get nothing in return for their efforts. I do not wish to go this futile path.

I feel I should have EQUAL rights versus my ex partner with childcare. I feel the government finds it a lot easier to make men pay and pay until they are mere shells of themselves allowing women like this a free rain to systems abuse and a welfare and child support cheque to boot.

When will this huge problem be addressed? Men suicide every day over child support issues yet nothing is done to address this situation or support men and their children’s rights… (WHAT RIGHTS?). When will childcare issues be fair for ALL?Please help my children and me.

Please help men and children have positive happy living arrangements. Please help stop vindictive people from destroying parental relationships with their children. Systems abuse hurts everyone! Children have no rights in this country. If I’m wrong please show me where, If I have equal rights please point them out to me. If there is a law against this sort of abuse could someone please point it out to the local constabulary and me.If anyone wants to hear the recordings I have of my x's abuse of my children I’ll send you the mp3’s.Sincerely,

(name withheld by site admin)

Joined: 23/01/2011
More suffering . . .No Thanks!


You are very brave. Spending the time and all the gut wrenching pain required to carefully and accurately write out and describe what you have been through - what you are enduring. The very act of writing this down demands a special strength of character.

You are also a very caring loving and empathetic Father. The words you speak and the perspective that you have shows to all of us reading your story that you are a good man, a kind man, a decent person and in spite of all of the malice & hostility directed towards you - You are a bloody good Dad struggling to do everything he can to help, protect and care for his kids.

Like all of us consumed by PAS, we live in hope that one day these truths that must surely be there, hidden yes - but there somewhere certainly for sure we hope they live within the hearts of our children. Yes it may be a matter of time, but one day it will be heard. They will realise and understand that you were not the cause; not the bad terrible frightening person their very own Mother claimed you to be. They will grasp the importance of your love for them, feel the burst of their own sadness and come to terms with this terrible thing that has been done to them and you and to your new Family .

One day your children will break away from the vicious manipulation and continuous brain washing of hatred directed against you. One day they will seek to know themselves; begin their own journey of self discovery and look to understand the very essence for whom they see within themselves as an adult in their own right. One day, quite simply a  light will click on. Perhaps when moving into the first home of their own; perhaps as result of a new boyfriend or girlfriend or even from a story in a book or on TV. Have you realised that all these shows about discovering a lost parent are mostly because PAS played a role in separating them some time in childhood?

 An up swell of urgency within will demand to know who you are , what you like what you don't ,what you feel and think about different things and so on - everything will become a must to discover because it is through our very origin of life that we most empathise. And we are all to some degree the product of our upbringing. For many of us the haunting of abuse can only be dealt with and dismissed by confronting and understanding such daemons. For many PAS victims it becomes an essential journey to learn what really was going on - expressly why were they; amongst all the other 'normal' kids they knew , denied the very presence of their own real Dad in the sharing of their childhood experiences?

For many many other grown up victims of PAS the confrontation for such raw truth is too difficult to approach. There is no need to know -it has no relevance to their lives -particularly if the alienating parent has been / continues to be highly needy and manipulative. How can they deny all the obvious love and caring of their Mother that they experienced in growing up - just because you the Ogre  were treated so badly . . .

Will your children - will the children of all of us on this site in your predicament be the former? Or the latter?

Who knows - but one thing I am certain that really matters -  is in trying to become  the very best person I can be for those around me now. The people that I am able to give and receive love, understanding and acceptance. And most importantly if  I am ever to heal from this I must stop being a victim living in this hell of hostility and start thinking more about me

I will never give up on my kids and over the years my life's goals and happiness and love will take as many turns as it will take for them to grow into adults. After all I too have a right to life and love and happiness. 

Who knows -maybe in many years from now -whom I am when we actually meet will be of more importance?




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