Alienation using false allegations of sexual abuse

Submitted by Admin on Wed, 08/09/2010 - 10:38

My problems started late in 2003 whilst I was bathing my 4 and 2 year old daughters when, I was informed by the oldest that she was getting a new daddy.

I thought that it was just her imagination until she went on to say his name, what his job was and where he worked. She also informed me that they spend a lot of time with him at the beach and on walks.

I said nothing at the time but decided to check if such a person existed at the workplace given, and guess what, he did.

Within no time I was given a letter by my then wife that explained that she no longer loved me and was told to get out and leave my two children and her in the house, take nothing other than my clothes and to do so now our she would complain to the police and that they would remove me.

I left peacefully as per instruction and later found out that she had been seeing this person for sometime behind my back, and all along with her parents knowledge and apparent consent.

I was also told that I could only see my children for 6 hours every two weeks and not to return to the house at all or she would lodge a complaint with the police and apply for a DVO. I was sure she meant all that she had said so I decided to follow her wishes to the letter.

Some weeks after, my solicitor was served a copy of the application to the Family Law Court, the date of signing by her being well before my daughter telling me of the new daddy, yes It was all very well planned and executed, I was set up beautifully.

The demands in the application for spousal maintenance and property settlement were outrageous and way beyond my means, and the time offered with the children, next to nothing, so I had a fight on my hands before I even knew it. I don't know where she got the idea that I had a spare x million to give her and as it turns out she knew this was way in excess of our total net asset value and not possible, so she obviously did not want to settle, she wanted to fight.

This all happened approx 2 months before Christmas and we were in court just days before Christmas for her application to be heard.

I will never forget something that her mother said to me at around that time (as well as many other expletives that she thought described my character) ... "we just wanted you to go away quietly". She has when she has been present at various changeovers become loud and abusive towards me in front of the children, trying to provoke me.

I got more time with the children but all else was put off because of the size of the pool of marital assets allowing time for valuations etc.

When I refused the ridiculous demands again soon after Christmas, I was accused of sexually abusing my eldest daughter and the police and family services were brought in, surprise, surprise.

The immediate result of all this was that I was refused any contact with my children for approx 2 months, this was how long it took me to get back in to the FLC to have something done.

The police and family services turned up nothing and dropped the investigations within a month, but the ex continued on with the charade and refused me any contact again , so the court approx 1 month later gave me time with the children again, supervised for 6 hours per week at my cost, explaining that they were appointing a separate Childs solicitor, calling for a family report writer and ordering counselling for the children.

All reported back to the court some months later and were all in support of innocence, not the claims of the ex. The judge after finding some discrepancies with the family report writer (not accurate as he was trying for brownie points), adjourned for another few months ordering another report and I was to continue with supervised contact until then. He also warned my ex at the time that should she persist with such conduct, it may result in her loosing the children. Orders also included for all not to talk over adult issues in front of the children, and nanna not to be present at changeovers.

Back in court next saw the supervised contact go and reasonable contact given to me, but not overnight yet, as well as another warning to her from the judge.

Back in court yet again saw me exonerated with joint residency, contact 2 weekends out of every 3 , 50% of holidays all with overnight, and the ex again scolded for her behaviour, but no decision on her several breaches of orders to date, and no formal punishment for her antics.

You would think that she would have got the message by now, but no. She has persisted with alienation to the point of ridiculous, and without a doubt, all along with the encouragement and backing of her so called mother and father.

The children at times say they do not love me (they are programmed) even though their actions say otherwise, (yes it hurts but their actions help) they regularly use adult phrasing in their descriptions of the things that I have supposedly done wrong to their mum and nanna.

Even though there is a court order in place for the children to go to counselling (at my cost), she now refuses to make the children available, and they are suffering. It has been suggested that she won't let them go to counselling as that will confirm that significant alienation is still going on (as it did last time). They suffer bad nightmares, they fear their mother to the point that they conduct themselves at my place according to her instruction and have said on occasions that they do not want to go home.

The oldest has told me that mum does not need to know everything, so therefore does not tell her much about the time that we spend together, she did not want me to tell mum where I lived and became very annoyed with me when I said I must tell her of my new address.

The oldest will have 3 to 4 bad nightmares a night (for the last 4 months) and the youngest (just turned 4) has started having them now also. At this point, it has been nearly 2 years since separation, and the anti social behaviour of both the ex and her mother and father see absolutely no communication on children's matters, this in the interests of the children must change but there seems little chance of that for now.

In addition to the contact I now have, I am to speak to them twice per week by phone, The calls last approx 1 minute with the phone call being terminated even whilst they are still talking.

The ex never even talks to me on the phone, before or after the children, and does not conduct her self civilly at changeovers.

When I pick the children up at changeovers they are quiet, withdrawn, sometimes with anger on their faces, but become themselves again within a short time of leaving their mothers presence.

The ex tries to frustrate changeovers by remaining at times for up to 10 to 15 minutes after the stipulated pick up time under the orders, with the children, and despite this being formally mentioned to her, she still does it. She even tries to get into my car occasionally with them to say goodbye again, she either knows nothing about boundaries or does not respect them, the latter being my guess and deliberate.

I have been told recently that "mum said it is time to find a new daddy", so I do expect things to get even worse soon. I sincerely hope that the ex finds a nice guy for a new partner, in the hope that he may influence her into stopping this nonsense, but I some how doubt it as what nice guy would want anything to do with her.

There is a lot more going on but I cannot be any more informative at this stage, as preparations are under way for another appearance before his honour and other possible civil proceedings, my resolve cannot be broken when it comes to the children's welfare. I have left a lot out also as to put all in would take quite a while. This person that calls herself a mother and hers that calls herself a grandmother should be taken to task for what they have done to the children, and if they do not stop abusing them, I will never stop trying to find a way to do so.

The almost criminal and disgusting behaviour of the mother, the grandmother and the cowardly antics of the grandfather have left me wondering why I did not see through them earlier, rather than trust them and support them heavily for many years.

The pathetic part, well the grandfather claims he is a religious man ... oh my god.

Update ... Dec 05, I have been accused again of abusing my daughter and have not again seen my children for approx 2 months. This is designed to stop me from having the children (as per the orders) over Christmas and it has worked, she is again refusing me contact, and getting away with it.

Back to court again and I have an interim order for 1 day per week, supervised until another hearing in March 06 when the separate children's solicitor and child physc reports are handed up.

Police and DOCS are not interested, taking 1 week to make up their minds that this is just another false allegation all over again. They have had more to say but I cannot post it here.

All involved know the truth but this evil plan has worked for the time being, but i am sure that this time, this little move will backfire on the ex, and will result in even more residency for me, if not total.

This is all madness, I do not understand why and the surprising part is that I do not hate my ex for it, she has obviously lost it, the hardest part is knowing that my children will again be worse off for it.

Another thing, I have also been threatened with legal action over posting this on this site, but I know that I have not broken any laws in doing so and see the threat as just another way of putting pressure on me to walk away, but guess what ...

Update ... Jan 06, I did not see my children on Christmas day, and did not even get a phone call from them.

My children now inform me that their mother wants to change their last name and is going to.

My eldest already knows her "new" last name (mothers maiden name) and says it is her choice of names, I find it amazing that out of all the names available that she has "chosen" this one !!! (brainwashed).

Update ... Feb/Mar 06, After some intervention by myself, name change "changed" back again, complete reversal and was probably just a rue in the first place to try and further upset me ... but guess what ...the children now tell me that their name (surname) at mummy's place is different to their name at daddy's place, and that they don't know what is their real name anymore....

We all have seen Dr Physc, children included and am confident of what his report is going to say but will not elaborate here until after report tabled ... but guess what ...the report that I have been waiting so patiently for was not ready on time so a new interim hearing date in April has been set and I must go on paying $320.00 per week to see my children for 8 hours per week until then.

Over the past months i have done a lot of research into the legal aspects of what has been happening, and have found possible avenues to bring to account those individuals and practitioner's that may have acted unethically and or dishonestly throughout this ordeal, and will be taking the appropriate steps when I consider the timing to be proper.

Bringing to account those guilty of misconduct can only be seen to be in the best interests of the children, as if nothing is done about them they will continue on doing and saying things that detract from their welfare both short and long term, and through out all of this that is all I have ever asked for...the children must come first.

Update ... 12 April 06, The report is in and it clearly and decisively states that the Father is of no threat to the Children and that the writer firmly believes that the alleged abuse did not take place. It goes on to say much more and points the finger at the mother for making false accusations and confirms that unsupervised contact should resume as per the order, but guess what...the Mother is now refusing to allow that to happen so it is back to court again in May.

From reading the report it is obvious that the Children told the truth and in part, actually defended me.

The content of the report is extremely damaging towards their mother as they confirmed that the mother has been "brainwashing" them, and has in fact, exposed her as a liar.

The Mother is now unreasonably withholding proper and reasonable contact, confirming again that she is hell bent on alienating the children from me.

I don't think anyone now expects her to be able to get away with this behaviour much longer, not even her solicitors as they are now finding that the situation has become difficult for them at best, by their comments of late.

* DOCS say NO abuse * Police say NO abuse * Phycologist says NO abuse

* She persists with NO unsupervised contact

Update ... 2 May 06 At last and due only to much pressure from those involved, I have unsupervised contact, but not to the extent that I am entitled, she is still fighting to stop me and to destroy my relationship with my children. That makes it 6 months of supervised and very restricted contact that I have endured and despite this and the fact that she has tried very hard, she has not to date been able to break the bond that I have with my children.

The oldest is waking up about her mother, going by the comments she has made of late....she is stealing her childhood.

She has changed their surnames at school, the result of which is now the children are confused and no longer know their own surname, they continually ask me what their real name is ... more abuse. Court date set in approx 1 month and hopefully will sort most of this out and her antics should be checked, she just does not care what she is doing to the children, that is obvious to many now.

Update ... Court orders specifically (amongst other things), that she refer to the correct children's names at all times, everywhere, but you guessed it, she is not. Court also ordered extra time with the children for me and psych treatment for her and another interim date in early 2007, with the treatment reportable to the court.

I can see no change in her so far, as she continues on her attempts to alienate me from the children at every opportunity, the treatment is obviously not working and she is not progressing ... there has been more than 3 years of this now and the children are loosing part of their childhood because of it with the oldest now frequently asking many questions re her mother and the situation, none of which I can answer with the truth as it would only make them worse off.

Obviously they are asking because she is telling them things that she should not be.

Providing a "safe haven" for the children is working as they are themselves when with me and enjoy themselves like children should, almost.

Update ... Early 2007 and in court for her breaching court orders re surname, fresh interim orders and a trial date but her Solicitor stalls by claiming that the material for that day was not delivered to him until late the previous day and goes on to state the reason the day should be adjourned was that he and his client have not had sufficient time to prepare, which according to my Solicitor is a straight out lie in court, a Solicitor telling lies in court, what next.

The Judge agrees so the whole thing is adjourned to a date to be fixed, the stall worked, but some months later a trial date is allocated so all say leave the interim and go on with trial.


She does not withdraw from what she says the children said to her in reporting the abuse but it will be more than interesting to hear how they explain how children that young and innocent can even dream up such allegations let alone the adult phrasing used by the children as reported by the mother.

Now the interesting part, because she withdraws the allegations her team goes on to argue that there is no longer any right to a trial for me and want the whole thing thrown out, the Judge hears arguments from both sides about this and decides to stand down to consider same so the trial is again put off for another date to be fixed subject to his decision as to wether there should even be one.

Judge takes only a matter of weeks to hand down his decision that there will be a trial and a date is fixed for late 2007, so the wait goes on, nearly 4 years of it by then but at least she is being brought to task for the false allegations at last (so I thought)

From what the children and others are telling me, the mother is still in fact continuing with the abuse and continuing to breach orders although she is not aware that I know it, yet !.

Update early 2008 ... The trial is over ... and what a pathetic show of justice and consideration for the best interests of the children it was.

Before I go on there are a few things that I can tell of now that would have been risky to have said earlier, according to advices given to me at the time.

Firstly, way back in early 2004 and at the first mention in court of the first false allegation, her Solicitor said to my Barrister on the quiet "should your client go easy on property issues then he would not be surprised to see the children's issues go away as well", this my Barrister reported to both myself and my Solicitor through an open letter.

Just prior to the second mention of the same matter in 2004 (not resolved at first mention), my Barrister sought my approval to engage another (2nd) Solicitor on the day, a local Solicitor that she obviously knew and trusted, I approved her request without knowing why, because I trusted her.

At that second mention and just before court started, my Barrister approached her solicitor in the company of the 2nd solicitor that she had engaged and asked if he had meant what he said at the last mention and he replied "yes, if property matters were resolved then the children's issues would go away", much the same as before but this time in front of a credible witness, the 2nd Solicitor, well done.

My Barrister and the 2nd Solicitor both put it all in writing to my then Solicitor and after some difficulty I managed to get a copy of that correspondence.

The "letters" as I now call them were explicit and no one could take anything else from them apart from attempted blackmail by her Solicitor, the allegations were deliberate and knowingly false even to her Solicitor in an attempt to get me to give in on the ridiculous property demands, a conspiracy I have heard some say.

At least when the letters surfaced all in my camp then knew that it was all a roust, and that provided some comfort to me, though I now more than suspect one in my camp to have known the accusations were coming prior to them being made as there is more I could say but won't at this point in time.

But the games still go on, I instructed my Solicitor to include the letters in my next affidavit but he got very uptight about it all and refused, even to the point that he said if I insisted, he would withdraw.

I knew that her Solicitor and my Solicitor often socialised together but never thought any more about it until then, but I backed down at the time (needed time to get further advice) and things went on ok until I finally again Insisted on them being included in the material to go before the Judge in late 2007, he argued, he pressured me, he even got further legal advice himself as to his "position" in all of this, but I stood firm and in they went.

Other advices that I was given at the time mentioned that it is an offence for an officer of the court, which a solicitor is, to withhold evidence and the letters were evidence.

Now the trial was done in two stages due to not enough time available to complete it first time round, and at the first appearance the other side objected to the letters being in evidence very strongly and my team did not put up a fight so the Judge ruled them out, and here's me thinking they were very relevant.

Also during the first part I realised that my Solicitor had not followed my instructions re the calling of some important witnesses and other matters and the importance of those witnesses was confirmed when the Judge actually sounded off for not having them there and ordered that they be called saying he wanted to see them, court then adjourned.

After court that day I had a "quiet chat" to my barrister who was now in the difficult position of listening to his client but only able to take instructions from my Solicitor but he had the decency to at least confirm that I had "issues" with my Solicitor which needed attention.

Long story short, my Solicitor and myself then had a "falling out" some 4 weeks prior to the second part being heard and he refused to hand over the file to me so I could instruct another solicitor, I rang my Barrister and asked of his position in this new scenario and he explained that because he is instructed by the Solicitor he could not act for me, so I am out on my own.

I went all over the place trying to get another Solicitor but all said without the file they would not know how to prepare for court, but I did find someone that was prepared to help me should I represent myself, so I buy a new suit and off to court I go, I had no choice.

First day in court and not knowing the procedures very well, I argue the letters again, they argue back and then in a round about way (loop hole) I get them in and the Judge reads them properly, so does the children's Solicitor and Barrister (again).

Another interesting thing happened just after the letters episode in that her camp now say they do not resile from the allegations saying they do not know what to believe any more, easier to do that than to try and explain how children that age could have made up such things.

I think I did a fair job in court but suffered badly not knowing the procedures so some evidence and witnesses did not get up, I did not upset the Judge being a self rep and in fact I even received a compliment from the children's Barrister after court.

Most of the reports were accepted, all indicating a problem with the ex in one way or another, now remember the DOCS report is saying that the mother is emotionally abusing the children, the letters got in and I even softened my approach to the point where I even stated the my ex would make a reasonable mother should she stop all the nonsense and that I would be accepting of 50/50 should the mother continue her treatment regime..

I was also able to quote a very recent precedence which the Judge noted, that was very closely aligned in content and fact to my case.

The result ... what a shock ... All that evidence, reports against her and clearing me, Judge saying absolutely no basis for the allegations (I am sure he thought all I wanted was to clear my name so he obliged by making a finding clearing me) and in cross examination I proved she was lying in her affidavits (no credibility) and the result is another day per fortnight over what I had before, not even 50/50, not even a lecture for her this time and nothing done about her breaches and no treatment ordered for the mother.

Judge goes on to say that he is sure that the ex just reacted badly to all the applications to court (she applied 9 times, me twice, go figure) and excuses her for being an over anxious mother and issues new orders that by the way she has already breached, but after my 4 years in the FCoA, what's the point of reporting it, they will just let her off again.

Have to say this though, in my humble opinion it was not the fault of the "system", the ridiculous outcome is attributable directly to the Judge, he heard and read the facts, corroborated facts at that, and then comes out with a judgement so removed from the facts, he just ignored all that had been put before him and put his own misaligned spin on things.

The Judge also openly stated his disproval of "men's groups" saying "the court was doing just fine until they got involved", yes the other side went to town on me because of this site and he must have thought I was driven by a "men's group", I was seen as a trouble maker over this site and he was sending me a message.

Appeal I hear some one say, yes I know I could have but no, I have decided to give things a chance to settle down, but I am going to do something formal about the bent Solicitor.

I still have the letters and some research has come up with two other fathers that he has pulled the same stunt on, and yes I know that those solicitors are watching this case story, but they don't scare me anymore.

I have thought all along that it was all his idea to go the allegations road, she just got sucked in, preyed upon so to speak because he could smell money, and that mine was very happy to go along for the ride.

Between the two legal teams our children are worse off by more than $600,000.00 but the worst part is the suffering the children have been exposed to due to the extreme conflict that was inflicted upon them/us/me.

To my ex wife who knows of this site etc ... whilst it is not hard to work out why some Solicitors do what they do and that they show absolutely no remorse nor seek forgiveness, you on the other hand, know what you have done as do I and many others including your family, may find forgiveness in god for what you have done to our children, but I doubt that you will find it anywhere else in the mean time.

For our children's sake I sincerely hope that one day you too will find inner peace.

Joined: 19/01/2011
In the Midst of a Similar Experience

I was living with my wife and mother in law. Mother in law was controlling of the wife and interfering in the marital relationship and the wife refused to cut the apron strings. When I stated to the mother in law that "you do not like me because you cannot control me" it was the beginning of the end.

It started with the filing of trumped up assault charges that were filed six days after the alleged incident but conicidentally just after an attempt of blackmail by the mother in law was ignored. These charges and the resulting AVO were used as an excuse to deny me access to our three children under the age of three for four months.

Upon getting an exemption to the dispute resolution certificate I managed to get an urgent hearing with the Family Court. At this stage the criminal assault case had commenced and the case was already falling apart with just the internal inconsistencies in the testimony of the mother in law. However, the day before the hearing for the for the interim Court orders, allegations were raised for the first time that I had been sexually abusing the children on a long term basis. The alleged assault of the children was witnessed by four members of this despicable family - three of them doctors mind you - and they never though to stop it - but only thought to report it for the first time four months after I last possibly had an opportunity to do it and the day before the Family Court case. Just in case these allegations were not enough, they also raised allegations that I interfered with the cats. Despite this, I manage to get orders providing access to the children three hours, three times per week.

I thought that once I had the Court orders so I could spend time with my children. However, that did not happen. Now waiting the next hearing in the custody dispute and for a hearing in relation to an application for contempt after what is, at last count, at least 14 instances of contempt.

It is a long hard battle - but remember that the children deserve the opportunity to have the love and care of the alienated parent.  When the alienation is occurring, as the alienated parent, you are the only one that can fight on the behalf of the children.

My only advice is to accept the help of anyone who is offering it and don't be afraid to ask for help.

I am glad to read above that kids grow up and out the other side of it all they recognise what was done for them.

Joined: 16/09/2010
well done

Being a child in a similar situation, i can guarantee that your children will realise one day the fight you have endured for their sake and be proud to have you as their father. I have realised, yet it took 23years, my father who i was petrified of was an alienated parent. he spent 13 years fighting a loosing battle of children who did not realise what was truth and went on their mothers every word. Im glad for your sake your children know the truth, to this day i never will.

i know you havent written on here for a while and i hope that you are in contact with your children and that they are safe, happy and healthy, as i wish for you also.

i hope your ex-wife one day realises what she has done!!

Joined: 07/09/2010
thank you

Thank you for your kind thoughts, yes my children are safe and healthy and we do spend a lot of time together but the games still continue and probably will for some time yet.

My children I believe in their own way have found a way of dealing with what is going on but the reality is that they will never be "complete", I do not hear those 3 magic words at all now, I know they want to say them but they just can't get them out and you can see/feel the frustration when they "slip" and begin to say them but pull themselves up part way through.

I would really like to see you post your stoty on the forum as it may just help others who have found/find themselves in a similiar situation to you.

again, thank you for your thoughts.

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